dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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