Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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