why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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