I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
