You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
