wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
