my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize