This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
