I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
