it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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