So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
