Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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