Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize