wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
How external is "for external use only"?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
