fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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