So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
