i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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