I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
