my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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