woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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