i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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