I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
