you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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