i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
sex in a hospital.. check
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
