I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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