I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize