Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
