I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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