Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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