I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
