Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
i think my cat just said my name.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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