My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
