Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
