Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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