I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
