i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
