Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
