I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Damn victory sex feels great
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
