Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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