I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I am midnight drunk by noon
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
