I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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