just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
