Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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