Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
