u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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