I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize