Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Dicks are not precious.
I would fuck him just for his dog
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
