We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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