Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
