i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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