So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
