Me. At least after what I've been through.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
