What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
love makes seman taste better
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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