Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
