He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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