I wish my penis had an off switch
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize