Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Randomize
