Plan B is the new Plan A
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
