Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
