FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She's the barista slut.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
