I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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