I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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