Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
