census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
