theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
