honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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