This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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