..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
