I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You made out with two different species that night
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
