Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
