he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
