It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We are all done wearing pants today
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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