At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My breasts were aching with rage.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
