she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
