you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
