I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i drank out of a bidet.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
