She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
