He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
