Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
