Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just found puke in my bra..
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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