if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
