YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
