I can tuck mytits in my pants
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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