found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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