He kissed a someone with a penis
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
