He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize