bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
