there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
ok first of all what the fuck
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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