My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
my being single is dangerous.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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