I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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