she was so not down for the gang bang
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
