Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
