Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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