Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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