Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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