so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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