Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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