well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
