I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
