i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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